Photo from the Seattle Times MLK Collection.

Andi’s note: Martin Luther King, Jr., has been dead longer than he was alive. Yet his legacy lives on – mostly importantly, in his words about overcoming obstacles and the role of silence in oppression.

This is a huge issue in today’s society. In an effort to avoid conflict, we stay silent – or even strive for neutrality – even in the face of oppression, ignorance, and tragic wrongdoing. I read a fable as a child about a man who sees an elephant stepping on a mouse, and the mouse pleads for help. The man says he is neutral on their conflict, refuses to intervene, and the mouse dies. The moral of the tale is neutrality is implied support for the majority, the tyrants, and the oppressors. I believe this is what MLK spoke of when he talked about silence, and why I wanted to share these words with you today.

• History will have to record that the greatest tragedy of this period of social transition was not the strident clamor of the bad people, but the appalling silence of the good people.
  Martin Luther King, Jr.

• In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
  Martin Luther King, Jr.

• Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter.
  Martin Luther King, Jr.

• The hottest place in Hell is reserved for those who remain neutral in times of great moral conflict.
  Martin Luther King, Jr.

• The ultimate tragedy is not the oppression and cruelty by the bad people but the silence over that by the good people.
  Martin Luther King, Jr.

First, here’s what happened to last year’s resolutions:

1. Make choices that translate into weight loss

I didn’t get serious about this until August. I made very little progress for the first 8 months of the year. In fact, it was hard to find any photos to show here, as most photos didn’t show my whole face or using an extreme angle. My wake up call was in August, when someone showed me a photo they took of me straight-on, and I started to cry because I hated how I looked. It wasn’t their fault – I was (and am) overweight.

1 January 2011

22 December 2011

These are photos from the beginning and ending of the year – everything about my make-up is the same except for the eyeliner.

In August, I moved to a new place – away from a household that was a bad influence on my health. Of course, I know I have no one to blame by myself. However, it is a lot easier to be serious about health when the people around me are, too. In August, I started light dieting (yogurt for breakfast, a frozen weight-loss plan lunch, and relaxing for dinner) and light exercising (walking an extra mile a day, 5 days a week). For relatively little effort, I am happy with my progress - I lost 25 pounds from August 1 to December 10. (I have not measured since.) While my pants size is unfortunately not changed (I just need a belt, not new pants) I feel better, my skin is clearer, and my joints no longer hurt. I didn’t get a sinus infection this winter, and a couple of my old t-shirts fit again. This has motivated me to have a more specific resolution this year.

2. Express my opinions on my blog

Technically, I guess I did. Like six times. Obviously that is not the intention of the resolution, just the letter of the law. This one is not nearly the success that my other wishy-washy resolution was.

2012 Resolutions

1. Lose 5-10 pounds per month for 12 months.

If I lost just one pound per week from now until next New Year’s, I would wear a size 8 dress instead of a size 16 dress. I could wear a bikini, shop at the stores I like (for more than jewelry!), and feel great about myself. If I can lose two pounds per week, my birthday gift to myself in September will be a new wardrobe in Size 8.

So, my mini-resolutions:

- Do at least 20 minutes of working out at least three times per week. (I’ve picked Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday as my work-out days, to keep it consistent.)

- Restrict eating fast food to no more than once per calendar week (Monday through Sunday.) No cheating and eating next week’s early. No saving up for eating it later.

- Continue with my light dieting of planned breakfasts and lunches. Add two non-relaxed nights per week.

I’m also going to start taking update photos of myself to see my progress. That will keep me motivated. To make this easier, my boyfriend has agreed to be my work-out buddy and try new healthy recipes with me.

2. Write once per week on my blog about issues I care about.

Adding a schedule to this goal will help me. If I write more than once a week, it doesn’t “save up” for the next week!

3. Become organized like a responsible adult.

My bedroom looks like my unpacking threw up on it. Which it kind of did. By New Year 2013, I plan to be spic-and-span in my living space.

That sums it up! What are your resolutions?

I’ve gotten some great attention for my trip – Kelly Evanson at the Examiner did a really great piece about my trip to Uganda on a peace journalism scholarship and my upcoming trip to the kingdom of Jordan. Then, my journalism professor, John Lofflin, wrote about doing good and journalism. He talks about my work in Uganda and Jordan, and is really very sweet. When other people write about what I’ve done and/or experienced, it sounds a lot bigger than I give it credit for.

Professor Lofflin’s blog post made me think, like his posts and Professor Steve Youngblood’s posts usually do. (Side note – here’s Professor Youngblood’s post about my trips, where he quotes my identity crisis entry from my online Uganda travel journal.) Lofflin’s post made me think because I wouldn’t have characterized my passions and my work as “doing good.” I mean, that’s what it is, don’t get me wrong. But instead of “doing good,” I always thought of peace journalism and community service as “doing right.”

I feel like it’s my duty as a global citizen to do what I can to improve this place we call home. Whenever I borrowed something as a kid, my dad would remind me to return it in better condition than I found it. I feel the same way about the world – I’m borrowing resources from the planet for 100 years or so, so I better not leave a legacy of violence, environmental disaster, and suffering.

The only photo on my laptop of just me and my Grandma. It's from 1990. I think I need an updated one.

I credit my Grandma Sally with my passion for community service. Ever since I can remember, she’s been a volunteer. She would give her very last dollar to someone in need, if she thought they would take it. (That’s not an expression. She’s really done that.) When I was little, she would show me how to do craft projects that would end up in the hands of people less fortunate than us. When she lived with us for a year when I was a teenager, together we made something like 100 stockings for deployed soldiers in Iraq, so they could have a holiday too. (Not just Christian holidays, either — we made Jewish stockings with the help of a local synagogue!) These are the memories I hold most dear from growing up.

My grandma still volunteers. Now that she’s retired, she volunteers several days a week with various organizations. I really admire that. (I wish she had a website or a blog I could link to, so you could see her work yourself. Maybe my weekend project needs to be Operation Blogging Granny. Actually, that’d be a pretty decent title, too!)

The idea of spending my life working for a place whose only goal is to make money kills my soul. I can’t do that. It feels so false. Especially because when you buy a thing – a shirt, a couch, a doll – you’re buying the idea of the lifestyle that goes with it. You’re not just buying a couch – you’re buying a retro-style piece of art that will make your friends think you are the most hipster of them all. Yuck.

Instead, I hope to make a living doing right. That’s a much more loaded term than Professor Lofflin’s “doing good”, I know. Who can determine what’s “right” for a community, a person, or – really – even yourself? I could not be so arrogant as to tell others what’s “right” for them.

But I think some things are undeniably “right”. Feeding hungry children. Equipping people with the tools they need to communicate about their bodies. Educating women in rural communities. Finding the bridge between enemies so, even if they can’t be friends, they can be neighbors. Showing families how to sanitize water. Eliminating domestic violence. Helping society’s forgotten people – drug addicts, prostitutes, runaways – to escape that lifestyle and find fulfillment. To give the ignored a voice.

These are the things we can (mostly) agree on. (I know some people don’t think drug addicts or prostitutes deserve help — but I challenge you to listen to a few of their life stories before you cast judgement.)

I straddle between two majors at Park University because neither one is quite right, but both are close. Public relations is the art of spreading a message and an action plan to a mass audience. Journalism is telling true stories from the community, and done right, gives a voice to someone who’s never been heard before. I love both of these ideas. I hope to land in a career that combines these into one job that impacts the community positively. A job where I’m not there to make money, but paying my rent is a byproduct of my work. I don’t need to be rich to be fulfilled (though it would be lovely to have the money to travel the world).

I know I’ll face opposition on this journey. If “doing good” can’t even been included in Park University’s mission statement because it’s too political a term, I can’t imagine what I’ll face as I try to “do right”.  But I guess if I can survive everything I’ve lived through already, I can survive anything.

“The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.”
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

I have realized (long after everyone else knew this about me) that I have a major passion: healthy relationships and sex lives.

I believe that every human being has the inalienable right to feel safe, secure, and fulfilled in his/her/hir romantic relationships.

But I also know we don’t pop out of the womb understanding how to connect with others, how to talk about sex and STDs with our partners (still important in adulthood!), and how to effectively communicate our feelings and desires. We have to work on our skills and learn how to communicate and discuss our needs in a way that commands respect — like when to give slack, and when to cut ties and move on.

When communication is lacking in a relationship – because of fear, ignorance, embarrassment, or any number of other reasons – everything else suffers, from general happiness to physical health (and maybe especially, sexual health) to mental health. It’s hard to feel good about yourself and your body if you feel like your partner doesn’t appreciate you, right? So what can you do to change your relationship dynamics to be positive and healthy?

I have always been insatiably curious about other people’s sex lives. From the time I was a kid (maybe eight years old or so), I was in the library looking at books about sex. Those books may have told me how to unroll a condom or pick a bra that fits, but they didn’t tell me how to talk to my partner or what makes a healthy sexual relationship. They told me to “just say no” to unprotected sex (like it was a drug!), but they didn’t talk about the emotional and mental ramifications of a sexual relationship. They told me to be abstinent without talking about the passion and desire of a sexual encounter (even one without intercourse).

It’s time for adult sex education.

You know the facts. You’ve been having sex, some of you longer than I’ve been alive. This isn’t that kind of sex ed.

This is the NEW sex education — learning how to have fulfilling sex lives and communicate with your partner(s) effectively and sensitively.

You’ve read lots of things on my personal blog (that’s this one) from business advice to feminist ideas. Now, it’s transforming once again to the new sex education. (I’ll still be posting about my personal life from time to time, but the focus will be on this new project!)

I’ll be posting (and holding workshops!) about:

• Communication techniques for arguing, negotiating, investigating, and more
• Sex-positivity – what it is, what it means
• Current events that relate to your relationships and sex life
• Ethical sex lives – making your relationships environmental sustainable and socially responsible
• How modern society affects your self-esteem and expectations
• Online dating, and how that’s changed how we connect – and how to get better at it
  
• and more!

(If you have an idea for something you want me to cover, shoot me an email!)

Sex and relationships are such an odd subject in our society. On one hand, magazines like Cosmo and GQ advertise ways to tantalize on every cover — but they don’t talk about WHY you’re bored and WHAT you can do (besides bring ice cubes and silk scarves to bed). We get a basic education in high school (if you’re lucky enough to have gone to one of the 25% of high schools that does sex ed) but who talks about it with someone who isn’t just encouraging abstinence (a teacher) and blushing at the thought of discussing the subject (most parents)?

We do it in the dark, figuratively and literally.

It’s time to turn on the lights and have a candid conversation.

Visit my new website, www.TurnOnTheLightsWithAndiEnns.com, and read more about what this project is all about. If you want to book me to speak at your event or to your group, please contact me here. Feedback on my blog and website is appreciated, if you have thoughts on making it better!

I entered an essay about my experience in a village outside of Gulu, Uganda.

This means I get $2,000 towards my trip to Amman, Jordan this December!

I still need $800 for airfare - consider giving a tax-deductible donation!

In Japan, they call it Shusen Kinen Bi, and it’s a day to mourn the lives lost in war and pray for a peaceful tomorrow.

In the years since WWII, nearly 21 Million innocent people (non-soldiers) have lost their lives to war-related conflict. I think today would be a good day to reflect on all the casualities of war, civilian or soldier. They all had lives, and they all deserve recognition for the sacrifice they gave.

My idealistic self hopes that we’ll see the end of war in the lifetime of my generation. That we’ll learn to use our words instead of our weapons, like mothers teach in sandboxes everywhere. Somewhere along the way, adults acquire power and forget about playing fair and cooperating. The victims are the ones who are silenced, and forced to be in a conflict zone for a war they didn’t volunteer to fight.

Let’s remember them today. And next time a world leader takes his proverbial shovel to the other countries in the sandbox, let’s remind him that we use our words to get what we want, not our weapons.

“But I’m a feminist, so….” is a common refrain for me, after I’ve wrapped up a rant about political and social issues I care about. It’s always been something I said to soften the blow of my opinions – I give the listener an easy way to write off what I said.

What if I stopped saying “But I’m a feminist, so….”? What if I stopped apologizing for my beliefs about women’s issues, and stood solid in the knowledge that there’s no such thing as women’s issues, there are just issues? Is sexual assault a women’s issue? Or equal pay? Or a culture that encourages people to loath their own bodies if they can’t measure up to airbrushed perfection?

No, those are societal issues. If sexual assault is a women’s issue, then that discredits male survivors and any good man who would never assault someone. If equal pay is a women’s issue, what about equal pay for everyone who isn’t a tan trim white male (even overweight people, who make nearly $20,000 less than their skinny counterparts)? Even the myths of beauty, which made commentators on the aforementioned “overweight=less pay” story wonder if that news would encourage ladies to diet. These myths damage men’s self esteem too (not every man looks like Brad Pitt – but women still find them attractive, whether or not they feel worthy of that), and make it harder to get a compliment through to someone (“no, I’m not beautiful, because I don’t look like airbrushed Megan Fox”).

Even once those issues are squarely wrapped up for me, there’s still a self-examination left to do about apologizing. Saying that I’m sorry for how I feel, or inviting someone to discredit my beliefs because they’re uncomfortable or unconventional – goes against everything I stand for. Every time I say it, I’m doing a disservice to the women I admire, like Gloria Steinem, Susan B. Anthony, Sojourner Truth, and so many others. If they could stand up against society and say that they believed we should all be treated equally under law and under culture, then I have no excuse to be bashful in Kansas City in 2011.

From PinUp Clinic, a feminist group that creates pin up calendars to raise money for women's clinics - because what better way to take sexy back than to celebrate the female form?

If I stand steady in being a feminist, then I’m part of something much bigger than myself. I’ll stand in solidarity with other women who believe it’s ok to wear high heels if we want to, and shouldn’t have to fear being sexually harassed for it. Women who believe it’s ok to be sensual and sexy, and that doesn’t mean we’re any less entitled to be treated equally. And women who believe being a feminist might be more aptly titled being a people-ist, because women’s issues shouldn’t be draped in pink and set in the corner like they don’t matter.

I’m going to stop saying “But I’m a feminist, so…”. I am a feminist. Maybe you disagree with my ideas, and that’s ok. You don’t have to apologize, either.

The video is being criticized for promoting violence, not encouraging girls to go for legal help, and for being sexist (because a man would never be able to make a video about shooting a woman – except that’s not actually true; read on).

Attacking the video for being violent misses the point. The world is violent, and asking a pop star to refrain from talking about uncomfortable topics doesn’t make them go away.

Rihanna’s character was struggling with anger, shame, depression, and all the other confusing feelings that follow being assaulted. Instead of accusing Rihanna of being needlessly violent, why don’t we examine the world that would allow this to happen to someone?

There’s a phrase in a lot of feminist literature, “rape culture”. This basically means a society where glamorizing assault is ok and even encouraged. A culture where girls are raised to appreciate men who “need” them so badly than they’ll rip the very buttons off her shirt, where he’ll sneak into her room to watch her sleep because he misses her, where he’ll fight (with fists) other men for her affections. This isn’t healthy.

Instead of criticizing a society that romanticizes acting like that, some parental groups say Rihanna shouldn’t have talked about it. And rumor has it that Rihanna is considering re-shooting the video to cut out the violence (both the shooting and the rape).

Some are going on to say that her behavior is sexist, because a man never gets away with violence towards women in their music. I would like to take a moment to reflect on: Love The Way You Lie by Eminem and Rihanna (where Eminem’s character kills Rihanna’s character when she tries to leave him), and about a zillion other songs.

There seems to be a trend with parental watchdog groups to try and suppress books, music, and movies that bring up topics they don’t want to talk to their kids about. (For example, And Tango Makes Three, a children’s book about gay penguins who adopt a chick, topping the banned books list every year - because, as one critic said, how are they supposed to explain homosexuality to their kids?)

As NPR pointed out this morning, banning teens from reading about or listening to dark topics – like violence, rape, drug use, self-loathing, or any of the other popular themes in teen media – doesn’t keep them from knowing about them or even experiencing them. One in three women is raped in her lifetime – and a third of those are raped more than once before they graduate high school – and 90% of them never report it. If we say this is a topic we can’t talk about, then what are we saying to the survivors? That they need to be quiet too?

Surrounding teens with happy images all the time doesn’t change the reality of what they see on the news and at school – a reality of No Means Maybe, of being scared to say no, of being ignored or bullied when she has the courage to report what happened.

I hope that more musicians will take it upon themselves to talk about these issues – they’re on a unique platform to talk to young people, and often they’re not much older than the teens who admire them. Instead of changing the video, let’s change reality. Rihanna’s character can re-shoot to a happy ending, but 33% of girls don’t have that option.

I’ve discovered these career experts are usually just experts on fitting in. They’ll advise someone going in for an interview to wear really bland clothing – you know, white shirt and black pantsuit. Nothing that stands out. They tell me to take off my headbands and take out my nosering.

Maybe it’s just because I’m in a creative field – right now my main job is doing in-house design – but fitting in is so passe. I’m a master of sticking out. I personally believe how a job fits is just as important as having it to begin with. Last year, my main job was as a barista – it was important to me to have a casual job involving massive intakes of caffeine.

Headbands are kind of my fashion signature, if you can call what I wear “fashion”. (I very rarely reflect the trends of the day!) I wear headbands nearly every day, and I have them in all different colors and styles. Headbands aren’t a common sight in offices, except on me.

I always have more job offers than I can take. My resume stands out even more than my headbands and I’ve never had an employer instruct me to lose my headbands or nosering.

That’s why I’ve decided to not consult career counselors any more.

I believe that career counselors are great if you’re just getting started on your path and you need help conforming to industry standard. But once you know the rules, it’s ok to break them.

Scared because I don’t like being vulnerable. And when you put your thoughts and opinions on the table to an invisible audience, they can say anything. Anonymously.

I think anonymity is what’s breaking our society down. It’s easier to say something to your keyboard than to someone’s face. So we have internet trolls who just harass people online.

I also think everyone is longing for that connection. Here on campus, so many of our clubs are rooted around simply connecting with other people. We have clubs for connecting with the GLBT/allied community, religious communities, communities across cultures and communities of one particular culture.

My roommate planned a slam poetry night, and people got up in front of strangers and read their deepest feelings. Sometimes it’s easier to do that in front of strangers instead of friends. All the poems were beautiful, mostly in a sad way. Most of them were about broken connection – broken hearts, betrayal, loneliness. And everyone cheered for every poet.

I went to a brand new club a few nights ago, the Peace Club. People were there from four different schools, just seeking understanding with the world. The group of us sat around together and talked about the Egypt revolution and how social media is both a curse and blessing to communication. I was more contented than I ever have been with a club meeting – those were my people.

Even social media – though it makes it easy to act out in ways that you wouldn’t in person – comes down to connecting with others.

The peace journalism project I worked on last summer was about connection, too. It’s easier to communicate with your enemies once you realize they’re just like you.

I think that’s true in a lot of life though. It’s easier to connect when you realize that no one is really that different from you.